Thursday, February 22, 2007

Change comes anyway


I have come to realize that I do not "do" change well. This realization is not a sudden, out-of-the-blue lightning bolt realization, but rather a puddle under the sweaty window kind of realization. And, I must say, it makes me uncomfortable to think of myself as settled. Or set in my ways. Or, I suppose, oldish.

They say with age comes wisdom (well, that is the hope) and so it is that I now know that change upsets my delicate equilibrium.

Little Changes =Big Anxieties: or why I haven't blogged a single mot in eons

I have long wanted to shift from Blogspot to Typepad. I was okay with that, excited even. But I made the mistake of asking an out of work web designer friend for his help. A month later, I sit at the pinnacle of the roller coaster at the ever so intricate and stomach churning ride of WordPress. Not the easy WordPress, the hard one. The elitest one. The one that scares the crap out me. (p.s. another thing I know - I know why my friend is out of work.)

Big Changes = Paralysis

Meeting with the school honchos to refine P's educational goals. I am up against a Dragon here folks. My hands are freezing but I am working on tongue twisters so that I can communicate with a semblance of grace tomorrow. Lately my tongue just lolls around in its closed little cave. Maybe I need to get out more.

Little Unasked for Good Changes = Surprise

I've been looking over my shoulder lately to see who is whispering gratitudes in my ear. Its funny, but unwarranted gratitudes have been springing from my heart like little spurts of blood from a disconnected IV. Little things like I'm grateful for my iPod. I'm grateful for the sunny day. I'm grateful that my legs work (well, that is a big thing.) I'm grateful for the beautiful yellow school bus that carries P across the neighborhood, her face in the window like the Lady of the Lake. I'm grateful that my Mother is still alive and that I can count on her always to be exactly who she is.

I am not trying to make these things pop into my head. The just do. I guess I should be grateful for that! :-)

Anyway, if you want to visit me in the precious place that has unbalanced me, I would be grateful.

www dot wingedheels dot com

I'll put the kettle on.

2 Comments:

Blogger le coeur en delire said...

beautiful, alex. i have been wanting to connect with you guys.
eric in oregon.

10:50 AM  
Blogger HARDWAX said...

Really enjoyed this, and I can identify with so much.I think in this country in particular, change is expected and even encouraged, but like so many things in this society, becomes excessive and lonely. Maybe we all leave too much behind in order to stay new and now.

10:11 PM  

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